CHAPTER 12

My Parents Are Innocent

After reviewing the situations that made you feel a failure, guilty, angry, desperate, etc., and having discovered that the root of all these emotions and your unhappiness in general, come from the actions of your parents. We know that your emotions relating to them are disgust, and surely a lot of anger. For that reason, this chapter is dedicated to explaining why they are innocent of the hard life, full of suffering and confusion that you have lived until today.
Like you your parents have lived in confusion and misunderstandings. Like you they too surely felt rejected. If you investigate the history of their lives, you will see that the suffering that you have experienced is the same or similar to that suffered by them all their lives, without knowing why.
IF you believe that your parents are bad for the way in which they scolded you, judged you, insulted you, punished you, and surely many of them continue doing so. Yu must understand that they are ignorant beings—ignorant because they don’t know the reason for their fear, blame and resentment. They are ignorant beings, that never had the opportunity for somebody to tell them, as you have been told, that they are good and that they never harmed their parents.
If your parents are still alive, we invite you to begin to really know them. By tradition parents rarely talk about their lives. In only a few cases does a child know about his parents’ lives, making their parents true strangers to the children. Interfamily communication is almost nonexistent, making the children just as unknown to their parents. In very few families is communication completely open, expressing likes and dislikes, feelings, thoughts, desires etc., and with each member of the family an active participant in the relationship.
We therefore again invite you to open a line of communication with your parents, so that you can begin to understand their lives and find the reason for which your father or mother raised you as they did. This will help you understand why they made you feel so humiliated, unloved, judged, etc.
It is completely possible that your parents will not wish to speak of their lives, or avoid the questions you need to know. If this is the case, or if they are no longer alive, try to speak with other people close to them, cousins etc. If there is no way of doing this, then just think the best of them that you can-that they had nothing more to offer you, and if they were hard on you and didn’t show their love, it is because nobody showed them how.
The next example will help you to understand why we suggest that you open a relationship as friend with your parents, so that you can speak about their lives, and thus help you to understand your origins.
Olivia could not remember situations lived while in her mother’s womb, and therefore used information described in previous chapters and given her by her mother about her birth. Understanding them would free her of resentment, and allow her to forgive her parents.

Example
Olivia: All my life I have been confused; I don’t know what to do. I have lived in various countries of the world. I am 32 years old and I don’t know what to do. I have studied two different careers, and feel like I am carrying a great weight. I have no boyfriend or spouse; I cannot carry on a long term relationship with anybody. I have always felt like a weight only my parents. They irritate me. My relationship with them is bad, especially with my mother. I can never please her. My father always makes me feel stupid. I can’t stand my brothers and sisters, I hate being with them, they are all alcoholics. When my mother was pregnant with me she suffered a lot. She felt very lonely, my father worked all day.

Rosario: Why was your mother sad?
Olivia: She is Venezuelan. She married my father, who is Dutch, and they went to live in Holland. She felt very said and lonely. My grandparents didn’t like her because she was Latina. They looked down on Latinos, believing they are inferior.
R: Did your mother want the pregnancy?
O: My mother says she was happy about being pregnant, but very sad because she wanted to go home to her parents. She felt very lonely in Holland. Her parents didn’t want her to marry the Dutchman, because he would take her far from them. She got very sick, and almost died just before I was born.
R: Did your father accept the pregnancy?
O: They said they were very happy.
R: Now that you understand the mechanism of the Enemy Within, do you believe that your parents really wanted the pregnancy?
O: Well, if what my mother wanted was to go home then the pregnancy was really not at the right time for her, because going home would have meant getting a divorce. That would have been very difficult if she had a child. On the other hand, my father has never been able to please his parents; they have always criticized him for everything. Since they never accepted my mother, then their child would also rejected just like her, and so once again he was doing something that his parents didn’t approve of. And that ... no, no I don’t think they wanted a child.
R: Do you believe your parents made promises to their parent?
O: Of course! Like I said, my mother has always dreamed of going back home to live with her parents. She complains that now that they are older she cannot be with them to take care of them in the last years of their lives. This means that she made a promise to care for her parents.

And my father, from the time I can remember, all his life he has tried as hard as he can to please my grandparents, but everything i in vain. They treat him like a stupid idiot. That means that he too has some kind of promise, like making them happy or doing whatever they want, being good and pleasing them so they will be proud of him and accept him.
R: So with these conclusions that you have drawn, do you believe your parents love you, and that if these promises hadn’t existed they would have been better parents?
O: Yes.
R: Can you forgive them?
O: Well, I understand, but they are adults and I am the child. Why didn’t they try harder?
R: Because they couldn’t. Like you, the promises left them with their hands tied. Your mother promised to take care of them and then never could, so when she was pregnant she got sick. That was her punishment for not fulfilling the promise made to take care of her parents, and the punishment was death because she lost her reason for living. But we see that your mother is very strong and “negotiated” with life. Instead of dying, she accepted punishment, to pay her guilt for not taking care of her parents. Remember that this is an unconscious mechanism that acts through the Enemy Within. But her female identity, the loving wife, wanted to have a baby and form a family. When you felt your mother’s loneliness, you too made a promise ...
O: Yes, to take care of her forever and prevent anyone from making her suffer. And look at me-I’m always trying to run and hide from you because, s you said, I feel that my mother is a heavy load that I can’t bear anymore. And I can’t prevent my brothers and sisters from being alcoholics. I feel bad and guilty. Well, in addition everyone tells me that I am very bad.
R: The burden that you feel relative to your mother is the promise you made. Until now you have had the energy to free yourself of her, although with a lot of emotional punishment, because you couldn’t be happy anywhere.

But let’s return to the subject of your parents’ promises to your grandparents. Your father clearly made promises as well, and it seems the most important was to “be a good son”. Since he has not fulfilled that promise, ...
O: He is completely submissive. He never takes responsibility or confronts things. His punishment is to feel less. That is why I chose my mother, because according to my grandparents Latinos are inferior, so she is a mirror for my father in the eyes of my grandparents.
R: Explain again, please.
O: He feels less, so he chose a Latina. And since my grandparents despise Latinos, they despise him more through his family, so they also despise us. We are not their favorite grandchildren.
R: You believe that your father is submissive and foolish as well, right? And if to you he is foolish, then you cannot relate to a fool since you have copied your attitude of superiority from your grandparents, by genetics and by imitation.
O: That is why I can’t relate to him! I seem him as a weakling, useless, but at the same time my father makes me feel foolish, just like my grandparents make him feel. Of course! That’s why I hate to talk with him, because he repeats with me what his parents do with him-THEY MAKE HIM FEEL STUPID, AND HE MAKES ME FEEL STUPID.
R: So do you see that neither one of them have hurt you because they are cruel or bad? That what they have given you is all that they have? Let me give you an example to make it clearer:

Imagine that love is like water. When you come down from Heaven you have to make a long journey which makes you very thirsty (thirsty for love), because you become disconnected from Heavenly love. You come down with the hope that your parents will quench the thirst with gallons of water until you are satisfied. When you arrive, you realize that all they have is a glass of water each, and that glass of water can only be given drop by drop for the rest of your life. Obviously this makes you very frustrated and angry with them, because you always believed that they would provide enough to satisfy the thirst that you built during your journey.
But you have never thought that within you there is a source that will provide all the water you need, and more. Because the source within you has never been discovered. This discovery is the true purpose of your life, the purpose for which you came to this planet Earth, to find within you the source that will fill the emptiness formed at the moment you came down from heaven, the source that will satisfy the thirst for love caused when you became disconnected from Heaven and stopped receiving that love.
You will have contact with that source when you stop believing and demanding the love of others, when you search within you and throw out the misunderstandings and sick dependence that you have created about your parents or other people, when you stop believing that your parents are guilty for your problems.
In no way are your parents, who have only been channels to provide fo your body on this planet, responsible for your unhappiness. They have only been the custodians of your life for a short period of time, to help you grow and give you the tools necessary so you can discover the elixir of life that you have so anxiously sought and the people commonly believe is outside, without realizing that the great secret of life is within themselves and that they must reconnect with the divine source of love which is God.
This is precisely what you have discovered, the same as your parents, your grandparents, great grandparents, etc., every member of the human race has had to suffer the pain and false beliefs with spiritual ignorance and emotional pain to arrive at the point to which you have arrived, to find the truth that nobody has been the cause of the pain, confusion and suffering that you have gone through.
This is the time for you to wake up and stop believing that you are bad or that your parents are worse than you because they caused you this pain. All that they have done has been through ignorance, mostly repeating the way in which they were treated during their childhoods, taking out their anger against others, anger caused by the false belief that they are bad. Not understanding the pain they felt because of this and believing in their own evil the Enemy Within and the Lying Mind makes them explode against the weak or innocent, their children. Without knowing why nor how, they could never stop. They felt more angry with themselves, bad, guilty and ashamed, looking for punishment. Their lives because a series of vicious circles of pain and suffering, dragging their family with them.
But no you know the truth, and you know that within each individual, including your parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, loved ones or strangers there is an Enemy Within that takes possession of the person’s will, taking control of their lives, turning them into angry and confused beings. It is up to you to have a moment of silence and stop listening the Enemy Within and the Lying Mind, so that you can understand that others are also suffering the confusion and the pain that you have felt. That it is time to stop thinking that they are bad and you the victim; it is time to stop the dialogue of your Lying Mind and set the Enemy Within aside, saying, “I AM GOOD, I AM INNOCENT, I AM FREE”. My parents and everybody else that I believe has hurt me are ignorant beings, confused, and dominated by their Enemy Within. I forgive myself and I ask God’s forgiveness for them, and I FORGVE THEM BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY DO.