CHAPTER 6

Rejection and Abandonment

We must remember that for generations the majority of mothers and
fathers have been emotionally divided by the struggle between the emotions and thoughts dedicated to their children, the internal struggle unconsciously created between loving and accepting their children, or remaining distant and rejecting them, all propitiated by the promises and confusion in which the human has been immersed for centuries. To all this we add the fear produced when the mother has an unexpected pregnancy, causing an automatic rejection due to the life situations experienced by the mother or father.
We must remember that the great majority of cases of rejection by the mother are automatic or unconscious since the fear sent by the Enemy Within connects to their own experiences and promises, causing the mother to feel fear and reminding her that a pregnancy at this moment is just not the right thing to do. Her fear and rejection create a greater quantity of negative energy, increasing the size of her Enemy Within and contaminating the baby with negative vibrations, engraving themselves on the Emotional Body of the baby.
As mentioned in previous chapters the baby is a being independent of the mother, with its own thoughts relative to the information received from its mother. Thus the baby feels fear and rejection from the mother. With the help of its own Enemy Within which is already forming, it interprets the fear and rejection from its mother as, “They don’t love me ...” “I’m a failure ...” “I’m not in the right place or time ...” “I just cause problems ...” “I’m a hindrance ...” “I cause pain ...” etc. But this rejection doesn’t remain there--it goes deeper. Since the baby feels as one with the mother, IT REJECTS ITSELF. The Lying Mind tells it, “Since my mother rejects me, I reject myself ...”, “If my mother doesn’t love me, then I don’t love me ...” “If my mother doesn’t love me, than I’m bad. I’ve done something wrong or there’s something bad in me ...” etc. And here the baby begins to feel a painful confusion.
Unfortunately there are mothers that not only reject the baby within their wombs, but also ABANDON it. How? In their mind and in their heart the baby doesn’t exist, so they don’t send it thoughts or feelings of love or tenderness-they simply let it grow. In some cases, after birth the baby is ignored, abused, abandoned in the street or given up for adoption.
Rejection causes a feeling of not having a place or a reason to live. Not having a place the baby feels that it must return to where it came from, while at the same time it knows that this is not possible because that would mean dying. It must live, it has a purpose to fulfill, but the fear, rejection and confusion felt by its mother and father confuses it, making it forget its true purpose in life.
The rejected baby is rejected because it has arrived at a time when it was not expected, at an inopportune moment, whether the parents are adults, young, married, single, with money, without money, etc.-- simply when conditions were not right. The baby therefore feels that it will always be out of place, inopportune, there at the wrong time. And most importantly, if the parents do not want it, it will feel that it has no value. Since it has no value for them, neither does it have any value for itself. It rejects itself, feeling that it’s a nothing and a nobody. And upon having no place in its parents’ lives, then it feels that it deserves nothing. Finally it judges itself as I AM NOTHING, I AM NOBODY, I DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING, recording that it has no value, also known as low self-esteem.

Rejection During Pregnancy:

Following are the situations most often found during the gestation period, when the baby records rejection on all three levels (physical, mental and emotional):

Financial problems: “The couple is having economic problems ...” “There’s not enough coming in, there’s not enough money ...” “The man has no job ...” “They’re buying a house and have a lot of expenses; financially speaking, this is not a good time ...” etc.

Social conditions:

1. The couple has an active social life, with constant appointments, meetings, parties, trips, conventions, etc. A child would represent a hindrance to their social life and activities with their friends and work. The baby reads these thoughts and feelings as rejection.
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* See Chapter 7 Promises...False Reason for Living

2. The father or the mother is in jail. The mother doesn’t believe that this is a good time to have children. She is ashamed of what is happening, there is no money, etc. The child feels unwanted, out of place or at the wrong time, its mother rejects it.
3. The country is at war. The father is in the military and has to go to war, or the war is internal. There is a constant fear of dying. This is not the moment to have children. The child feels that its mother rejects it because it has arrived at the wrong time, it feels out of place, a bother, it did wrong by arriving.

Other situations:

The mother’s body: The woman is always concerned about her figure. She
must be slender, have a good body and look good. A child will deform her figure, she will be fat, begin to show cellulitis or stretch marks, etc.

The woman who studies or works: At this time in her life the most
important thing is her work, her career. A child would cause her to leave her job or her studies, etc.

The father is aggressive, an alcoholic or drug addict: “The woman is afraid of her husband’s abuse. Every time he drinks, takes drugs or becomes angry he beats her. She fears for the baby or doesn’t wish to have it.” In these cases despite the fact that the mother wants the baby, the baby feels fear and rejection. The baby feels that the mother’s fear of the blows and insults are for him. It feels rejected, beaten, humiliated, the same as the mother. The baby reads the aggression as: I am bad, I am rejected, I am not wanted or loved, etc.

Large family: “The couple already has many children. The mother is both physically and mentally exhausted, and doesn’t want another child.”

Age: “The couple believes that they are too old, over 40 years old, to have children..” or “They are too young for this commitment, or believe that they are not intellectually or emotionally mature enough to raise a child.”

Health problems: The woman is sick, and knows or believes that the pregnancy may worsen her physical condition, perhaps even causing her death or that of the child.

Divorce: Before a divorce, generally the ties between the couple are broken. A baby would make the individual needs of each partner, and the divorce process, more difficult.

The most frequent rejection by unmarried mothers:

Single woman: “The woman has a stable relationship with her boyfriend. The couple is not mentally or emotionally prepared to take care of a baby.” In some cases the couple joins and forms a family, in others the man only takes responsibility for the baby, but in both situations the baby feels rejected, since it is not planned.

In others the man abandons the mother, never seeing her again. In this situation the child knows that it is rejected and abandoned, since the father has left them.

Sexually active single woman: The woman enjoys the company of intimate friends, with no ties. “In some cases she doesn’t know who the father is ...” in others “The relationship was established with no ties, no commitments, so the father doesn’t accept responsibility.”

Rejection and abandonment before birth:

The grandparents reject the pregnancy: “One of the couple’s parents doesn’t accept their son (or daughter) having a child, believing that they are “too young ...”, “sick ...” or “they aren’t married”, they “don’t like their son- or daughter-in-law...” “they don’t have enough money, how will they eat?...” etc.

Father who travels. Father leaves on a trip; mother feels lonely, abandoned. The baby feels itself abandoned.

Angry (short-tempered) parents: If the mother is constantly angry, the baby in her womb receives the charges of this anger and believes that he is the cause. When the father frequently becomes angry with the wife, the child feels that the father is angry with it (the child).

Baby’s sex: On many occasions, the parents want a baby of the other sex. Even though advances in modern medicine allow a couple to know the sex of their child, their comments are often: “HA ... it’s a girl. I would have liked the first to be a boy. Well, it doesn’t really matter.” or “OH, it’s a boy; I would have liked a girl to have one of each ...” etc. All these thoughts and comments from the parents are perceived by the children as rejection.

Adultery:
1. “The mother knows that her husband has a lover. She is upset with her husband, and doesn’t want a child.”
2. There are cases where in the first few months of pregnancy, not knowing that she is pregnant and while married to the baby’s father, she has a relationship with another man ... In this case, since the child is physically linked to the mother it feels that it, too, is deceiving the father; it feels bad, dirty, a liar and adulterer.
3. “The mother is the father’s lover, and she knows that the baby is illegitimate ...” The baby thinks what the mother thinks, and therefore feels bad, “not allowed”.
4. “The mother is married but the child is not her husband’s, but the child of another.” The mother knows that the baby she is expecting is not her husband’s. By deceiving her husband and never revealing that it is another’s the baby knows and feels bad, a liar, illegal, he is confused about his identity.

Sexual abuse: In the majority of cases where the pregnancy is caused by an act of sexual abuse, the mother hates and rejects the child and thinks of aborting the pregnancy. The baby feels bad, dirty, the product of a criminal act; it feels guilty for all the pain and damage suffered by its mother.

Abandonment and Rejection After Birth

Rejection after birth:
The ignored child: In some cases the child is “ignored”: he receives the minimum amount of attention necessary to cover his basic needs. This situation is due to different reasons: “The mother has a lot of children ...”, “the mother has to work ...”, “she’s a new mother and doesn’t know how to take care of the baby, she is easily flustered ...”, “the father arrives home from work and doesn’t do anything with the children ...” “the stepfather ignores him ...” etc.

Example:
The stepfather does not love his new wife’s child. He is not interested in improving the relationship, and shows his rejection by ignoring the child’s presence in the house. Perhaps during mealtime when everybody is united around the table the stepfather doesn’t talk to the child, acting as if it doesn’t exist. He excuses himself, saying that he doesn’t want to interfere in the relationship between mother and child.

Angry (short-tempered) parents: Frequently a child is born into a home where one (or both) parent is chronically angry, which does have repercussions on the child. If the father, the mother or both are constantly angry, the child feels that it is to blame. Some parents fight, insulting each other and at the same time insulting the children. When this happens, it reconfirms the child’s rejection. “I can’t stand you and those kids, I’m sick of all of you. Get out of here, I don’t want to see any of you ...” etc.

Imperceptible rejection (subliminal): As mentioned before the human being records and stores in his memory the social customs of his family and his society. Both men and women bring this information with them into their marriage; it is therefore common that the couple marries and has children.
Many married couples don’t want to have children but do not dare to express this desire for fear of flying in the face of custom or “losing” their spouse. Thus the individual desire of the man or the woman is repressed. In many occasions the couple or the individual are not aware (conscious) of this; they never really ask if they want children, and if having children is an individual desire as a human being, then this is recorded in the family and social tradition--to marry and have children, to “make a family”.
Repressing one’s desires to follow tradition causes the mother to constantly show intolerance, dissatisfaction, frustration, anger and rejection of the child born, without consciously realizing the rejection that this presents throughout the relationship, or throughout their lives.
This rejection comes from the subliminal mind. The individual doesn’t realize that he is receiving or sending a message, since he doesn’t realize the existence of that feeling or thought.
Attitudes say more than a thousand words and a thousand blows. On many occasions we have heard people say, “I would have preferred that he hit me, or insult me-his attitude was worse, that hurt me more than if he had hit me.”

Example:
Florence: I don’t like children. When I got married I didn’t want children. I would have loved to continue enjoying my marriage without children, for me and my husband to be free. But I got pregnant to please my parents and my in-laws. I love my daughter, but I wish she could go away to college soon. She will have to go away, because there are no universities here. I don’t know why but I want her to go.

Even though she loves her daughter and they have a beautiful relationship, the initial rejection upon becoming pregnant continues today. She wants her daughter to go, so she can be alone as she has always wanted.

Hilda (Florence’s daughter): I love my mother very much, but I always have the feeing that there’s something wrong. There’s nothing between us, but I feel angry with her; I feel that nothing can please her. There’s something there, I don’t know what it is, sometimes I’m afraid to tell her something because I think she will get angry, even though she’s not like that with me.”

Marian: Since I was a child every time I went to kiss or hug my mother, she would make a gesture and move away. Once I asked her why she did that to me, and she said, “It’s hot, that’s why I don’t want you to hug me.” M. continued: “But that wasn’t the truth. She was like that all my life. I stopped trying to get close, and she never asked me for a hug or a kiss.”

Blanca: My grandmother didn’t love me. She lived a block from my house, and when I was young I would go visit her. I knocked on the door and it wouldn’t open, it seemed as if I weren’t there. She would see me come and hide. One day when I saw her through the window she ran away. I knocked various times and she wouldn’t open for me. I stopped visiting her. She never asked me why or asked why I didn’t go visit.

Abusive parents
Unfortunately there are few cases of the ignored child. The majority of cases are of rejection accompanied by abuse. When an individual does not love another, normally the person rejecting the other shows their disapproval with force, superiority, power; and the medium used to express their anger, disapproval, and rage is abuse.
There are three forms of abuse: Physical, verbal, and sexual.

1. Physical abuse: The individual uses brute force, blows or torture, physically hurting and humiliating his victim. For example: “Pedro’s father beat him with a riding crop, with a belt, with a rod, with his hand ...” etc. “Carmen commented that her mother tortured her, making her kneel on bottle tops until they became embedded in her knees and her knees bled.”
2. Verbal abuse: The father, mother, guardian, grandparent, teacher, etc. can express verbal rejection through threats, insults, criticism, ridicule (of their victim) of the child or adolescent, when they are alone or in front of others. If the victim of the abuse has any kind of defect, mockery is often used.

The abuser issues a verbal threat, saying, “I’m going to hit you, kill you, tie you up, kick you out of the house, give you way,” etc.
He calls his victim names, such as gimpy, blind, orphan, etc.
“You’re going to pay for that!”
“You’re only a bother.”
“You’re good for nothing.”
You never do anything right.
You’re an idiot, I tell you things over and over but you don’t understand.
You forget everything.
You’re lazy, a bum.
You’re so dirty, you look like a pig.
I don’t know why you fix yourself up, you’ll still be just as ugly.
I don’t love you, I don’t know why you were born.
I’m ashamed of you, etc..

3. Sexual abuse: Sexual abuse of children, both boys and girls, is frequent in many families. In addition to feeling bad, the victim feels guilty and dirty as a result of the abuse, rejected since by nature he knows that the parents are there to care for him and protect him. Thus, to the child this abuse proves that his parents don’t love him, don’t take care of him, the mother or father was not there to protect him from harm.

Abandonment after birth

Death of the mother or the father: The death of a parent always leaves the baby, child or adolescent feeling abandoned.

Adoption: Every baby knows who its biological parents are (who gave it life). When it is abandoned in the street or given up for adoption, the baby reads this act of being handed over to another person as proof that it is of no value, that it did something wrong and therefore deserves to be abandoned. In cases of kidnap the child also feels abandoned, since it expects its parents to come and find him quickly. When this does not happen, the child feels abandoned.

The hospitalized baby: Some babies or children must be hospitalized for days or months. If the rules of the hospital and the parents’ work do not allow them to remain full time with the child, then the child feels that it has been abandoned. It believes that it has done something bad, because it is suffering and the parents are not there to take care of and console it.

Divorced or separated parents: The child feels abandoned when the father or mother leaves the marital home where the child lives.

Both parents work: When the parents work the child passes all day or part of the day “alone at home or with its brothers and sisters ...” “in day care...” or “with somebody who takes care of him.” The child feels abandoned by its parents.

A sick parent: After the birth the mother is physically delicate. She can’t see the baby because she has to recuperate for various days. The baby does not see its mother and feels abandoned.
When the child is older, if the mother or father gets sick and the child doesn’t see them, it feels abandoned.