CHAPTER 7

Promises ...
False Reason for Living

The promise is an energy link that blocks the emotional body. This can be established at any age. It respects no time, distance, conditions, or circumstances of the individual’s life. There is no excuse for this energy link; it demands satisfaction, whether you agree or not with what you promised. The promise is a weight that you carry with you, like an anvil hanging from your neck, preventing you from moving freely through life. A child’s energy, which is very powerful, remains totally concentrated in fulfilling the promises for the rest of his life, regardless of whether they were made before or after it was born.
When the Soul separates from Heaven a great vacuum is formed and the soul enters into a state of amnesia, causing confusion and a great sorrow for having left Heaven. The Soul remembers Love and knows who its earthly parents are. It hopes to find the love that it had in Heaven within its family, because there is a great emptiness that it needs to fill, and which can only be filled with Love. But if the baby is not expected, it is contaminated by the negative impact produced by the mother (her Enemy Within ). And even though the mother later accepts and loves her child, the little Enemy Within that has begun to develop in the newborn is already vibrating. The vacuum created upon its arrival and the Enemy Within will make it believe that it must seek a “reason for living” to fill that emotional void, or vacuum of love. It is here that the long, painful search for acceptance begins, the search to be valued, recognized and accepted, always seeking to be important in the life of another through promises.
Generally speaking, the individual becomes a slave to its promises made from the time it is in its mother’s womb. When the baby feels rejected, in a desperate search to let his mother know that it wants to be born, to live, that it is part of her, that it is good, that its presence is right; its feeling of rejection makes it believe that it has no place within the family. If it has no place and nobody is awaiting it, then it believes that there is no reason for living. It seeks a reason for living, something that will give a purpose to its life. Otherwise it would die. The baby knows that it must live, and so it makes a promise. These promises become a False reason for living, making it feel that it has a place in its parents’ lives. It believes that it is making and fulfilling promises which will give it acceptance and importance from them; that these are useful, even indispensable, and it therefore feels the importance of being valued by others.
If the mother for even a moment thinks, “This isn’t a good time for this pregnancy; it’s better that I abort it.” The baby receives this message and makes the promise. It believes that if its mother allows it to live, it is because it made a promise. Thus, its life’s purpose becomes fulfilling the promises made, giving life a value, and making it accepted and important to its mother.

Example:
Laura remembered, “My mother already had two children and was getting divorced. She wasn’t living with my father when she found out she was pregnant; she felt completely alone, believing that nobody would accept her. Many times she wanted to have an abortion. I wanted to be born. I promised to be good and always be with her . . .”

The baby uses the information that it brings from Heaven to make these promises. It believes that it can help, for it is still connected with the Superior Being, God. This connection confirms its belief that it can fulfill this promise, for it has divine powers to fulfill its True Purpose for Living, its initial purpose before arriving on Earth to love and respect itself and to find God (in addition to many others, depending on the life mission or lesson brought by each individual from Heaven). However the baby doesn’t take into account the limitations presented by birth:

1. While still in the womb the baby is in a cocoon, protected from external influences from its environment. Although it receives negative influences from the mother, there is no physical harm (its wounds are emotional). However the recent arrival from Heaven, the baby, still has a slight connection with the Superior Being. It notices what its parents are going through, and the happenings around it. Its superior psychic powers still function although at a minimum level. At the moment it makes its promises, it believes that it can fulfill them and help its parents pass through the bitter phase that they are living.
2. Upon being born, it receives a strong impact with its environment. Its electronic circuit begins to short out and it forgets, or files away in its memory, the promises and occurrences experienced during its time in the womb. The individual grows and develops, ignorant of the fact that it is tied to the mother or father through its promises.
3. In the first years of life, its physical, emotional and mental condition prevents it from fulfilling the promises made by it, since its little body requires care and guidance from its parents for a long period of time.
4. On the other hand, after birth its connection with the Superior Being saves it from weakening and blocking, until finally this increase in negative charges blocks the individual almost completely from its connection with the Superior Being.

To clarify this, imagine yourself within your mother’s womb. Your soul is connected to a source of energy - God - through a cable of 7 filaments bearing 1000 watts each. The negative influences that you receive cause your emotional body to short circuit, the filaments begin to block and as a general rule the promises made in the womb are forgotten at birth. Generally speaking, major blocks occur in the first seven years of life and later continue blocking until you are ultimately left in a shadowy 20 watt light (unconscious of God’s law). You have lost the awareness of who you are, where you come from, and the true purpose of your life. You no longer remember what you experienced and promised while in your mother’s womb.
Again, these promises are filed away in the memory files of your Mental Body, creating energy links that tie you down. They can’t be seen, but they do exist. Do you know which ties are the most frequent? Of course! Those that prevent separation from parents. Although invisible, these are strong; indeed, some are so strong and heavy that they become obvious to others. This is when you hear, “That person is still tied by the umbilical cord!” Surprise! This saying is literal: the energy tie is formed at the moment in which the first thought of commitment or promise is made, whether within the womb or after birth, as a child, a teenager or an adult; at 2, 10, 15, 20, 30, 50 or 100 years of age. Each time a promise is made, the individual forms a life-long tie, losing the freedom to live and enjoy as he chooses all that God has given. Promises made in the mother’s womb or in the first few years of life are even stronger, because the child’s entire force of energy is directed to fulfilling the promises made, even though he doesn’t remember them.
The false beliefs and lies in the life of the individual make him fulfill the promise, becoming his “reason for living”. Of course this is a false purpose since the true purpose of his life, the reason for which we come down to Earth, is brought from Heaven. But the confusion that provoke fear and rejection confuse the baby, making it believe that the promise made by it, is actually its reason for living.
It is for this reason that in many cases, even after the death of the person to whom the promise was given - parent, spouse, children, etc. - the individual continues mourning for years; suffering, feeling guilty for the absence of the deceased despite the fact that years have passed since the person died. This is all due to the promise that became his false Purpose for Living. Guilt causes the individual to continue attempting to fulfill these promises, to carry them like a load. He forgets the true personality of the person who died, frequently remembering the deceased as a wonderful person, even though the deceased was actually a tyrant.

Example:
Tania: My father was a mean man; he hit me and my mother a lot. He was - very macho. Once when I was about seven years old he was sick with the flu and he asked me to bring him some soup. I was playing, so it took me a minute longer than he expected. He got very angry when he heard me laugh. He got out of bed and beat me very hard with a riding crop. I begged him to stop, and I promised to always take care of him, so nothing would happen to him.
I got married but I wasn’t happy. Every day I went to visit my parents, to make sure they had all they needed and to make sure my father was well. He was sick and complained that my mother didn’t take care of him. He was always screaming at us that we were useless and good for nothing. My mother couldn’t take care of him alone, and I didn’t think she was doing well. He was always in a bad mood, always insulting her.
Well, nothing ever changed, and when he got sick he was worse. It made my husband very angry, because he said my mother could take care of him alone, they didn’t need me. I felt very guilty, because he wouldn’t let me spend the time with them that I wanted to. He felt that it was unfair. Finally I got divorced, and then I took care of him (my father) until he died. I feel guilty because I think that I didn’t do enough to keep him alive. He was so good, he didn’t deserve to die. My poor father.

The promise is so strong that when the person dies the person who made the promise feels terribly guilty. Promises related to caring for, protecting, making happy, being good, etc. are lifelong. This means that the death of the person for whom the promise was made would be synonymous with failure to fulfill their promise. Their failure to keep the loved one alive proves that they were not taking care of them-that’s why the person died, and the one who made the promise did something wrong.
The promise is always connected to the Enemy Within. The Lying Mind tortures the individual, making him believe for the rest of his life that he is to blame for the death of the loved one. The individual enters into depression, anxiety, melancholy, feeling that part of his life went with the person who died. His false reason for living, to care for and protect that person, is gone and he is now left without a purpose-he has no reason to live.

Example:
Janette, 57 years old, began by saying, “I’m desperate. Since my father died 5 years ago, I can’t feel happy. I miss him a lot, every day I think of him and sometimes I speak to him as if he were with me. Every Sunday I go to the cemetery; I talk with him and I take flowers. When I can’t go I feel guilty, as if I were abandoning him. I have no desire to do anything since he died; I’ve lost all interest in anything. I don’t go out, even with my children. My savings are running out and I need to get a job, but I feel so bad that I don’t want to do anything. Sometimes I think that the best thing would be for me to die.”
J. remembered that when she was young her mother rejected her, didn’t pay her any attention. She criticized and mistreated her. It was her father who defended her and protected her. By protecting her, J. felt that her father saved her life, she was important to somebody There was a reason to live, and in thanks she promised to always care for him and protect him. He got sick and J. promised that she would take care of him so that nothing would happen to him.

The promise to take care of someone forever is a tie that goes beyond death, a promise to protect someone so nothing will happen to them is to keep them alive forever. These promises become a reason for living. J. lived to take care of her father; when he died she lost the will to live (her reason for living); life held nothing more for her. She felt lonely and depressed, and wished to die.
The most dangerous element in these kinds of promises is that in order to care for any person you must be with them--It is impossible to care for anyone by long distance. Thus the promise to care for someone becomes a double promise: I PROMISE TO ALWAYS BE WITH YOU. And if the person dies, then whoever made the promise will wish to die in order to follow him, because he or she has to care for him forever, even after death. This is the mind, coldly recording everything and not allowing exceptions or suppositions.
The promises made by the baby during the prenatal period are related to situations similar to those mentioned in the chapter on Rejection and Abandonment. They are also made at any age after birth.

Most frequent promises:

I’m going to make you happy
I’m going to be good
I will always be with you
I owe you my life
I will always take care of you and protect you
Nothing will happen to you
You will never lack for anything
I’m not going to cause any problems
I’m going to be quiet
I’m going to be perfect
I won’t be a problem
I’m going to be like you
I’m going to make you proud of me
I’m going to be the boy or girl you want
I’m going to show you what I’m made of
etc.

Most frequent promises made after birth

Father or Mother is jealous of the child: One of the parents is jealous of the child, believing their spouse gives the child more attention. The jealous spouse often protests, “You don’t pay attention to me since the baby was born, you barely listen to me ...” “It seems you have only a child, nobody else is important to you ...” “Leave that kid and listen to me, come here with me ...” etc. The child, hearing this kind of recrimination, feels that he is causing problems between his parents; and feeling rejected by the jealous parent, he makes promises such as, “I’m going to be like my dad or my mom so they accept me ...” etc.

Example:
Soledad: From the time I was born my mother has been angry with me. She says that before I was born the two of them were always together. When I was born all the attention was given to me. She says they never went out alone again, they always took me with them; and when he arrived home there was nobody else for him but me. That’s not true, because when he was at home they would sit embraced in front of the television while I played, sitting on the floor beside my father. She has always blamed me because my father was not as close to her after I was born.

Death of the father or mother: When the child is rejected or mistreated it believes that it is rejected because it is bad. It feels guilty of something it didn’t do. As a result it feels responsible for everything that happens in the home, including the father’s or mother’s illness. The promises made as a result frequently take the form of, “don’t die, I promise to be good ...” “give me your illness, it’s better that I die ...”, etc.
In some cases, when the father is dying he asks for a promise from the children, for example saying to the oldest, “Take care of your mother and brothers and sisters. Now you are the man of the house, you’re in charge ...” “Don’t allow any other person to take my place ...” etc. Or he may say to all the children, “Take care of your mother..” “Do what your mother asks you, be good children ...” etc.

Example:
Gabriel, 35 years old, comments, “My father died when I was 7 years old. He told me to take care of my mother and little brothers and sisters. So I took care of them when my mother had to work. I helped them with their homework and I fixed their meals. When I was 9 years old I started to work as a carpenter’s apprentice and I began to give money to my mother. I worked and I went to school, I finished college. Now my mother doesn’t work. I still help my brothers and sisters. I’m helping the youngest pay for his university studies. I don’t think I’ll ever stop helping them, I feel very close to them. They are my responsibility; I promised my father.

The oldest son, no matter how young, takes on the role of father, the patriarch. He is responsible for the family’s well-being. This child or adolescent begins to care for his mother and sisters; he wants to impose his will as though he were the father. Soon he will be of an age to go out and start to bring money into the house to maintain or help the family.

Rafael: When I was 9 years old my father got sick. He suffered a long time. We all took care of him, especially me because I’m the oldest. It was up to me to help my mother in whatever she needed because my father was sick. When he was about to die, his last wish was to ask me not to allow anybody else to take his place. That is what I have done; between my mother and me we have raised my little brothers and sisters. When I was 17 my mother had a “friend” that wanted to marry her. I didn’t allow it. I liked him and I grew to love him, but I had promised my father that nobody would take his place. I spoke with my brothers and sisters, and together we all forbade it. Now I’m a father and I realize the big mistake I made. I feel very guilty, but I had promised my father on his deathbed, I couldn’t let him down.

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* See Chapter 8 Guilt or Blame

Promises for competition: Although some promises like these may appear to be correct, they actually aren’t. Each promise is a bond that denies the individual his freedom; and where there is no freedom there can be no happiness. The child promises “to be the best”, “not to let anybody beat him”, “to do things perfectly”, etc.
You ask, What’s so bad about those promises? They’re good promises. They do have a positive side since the individual gathers his strength and energy to shine at whatever he undertakes. But the other side of the coin is that inside the person has no true purpose. His efforts give him no joy or happiness. His is motivated by the need to please others so they don’t judge him. He is not moved by his own free will or to please himself, the purpose of competing is to show that he is the best, and to be accepted.

Example:
Elsie comments: My older sister was always very studious. She always had her nose in her books, doing her homework. She did everything my mother asked her. I on the other hand never felt the need to be the best at school, I was happy with just getting good grades. My mother tried to keep me busy all the time because I was very restless, but I didn’t like what she wanted me to do--things like knitting or embroidery. I told her no and she would get mad. She told me I was lazy and that I should be like my sister, always studying and getting excellent grades in school. In addition my sister never caused any problems, where I was rebellious and lazy. My mother was always making us compete, saying, “You should learn from your sister ...”. “Whoever finishes eating last does the dishes ...”. “Whoever gets the best grades gets a new dress ...” Since this always bothered me, I promised myself that I would show them what I’m made of. When I turned 18 I went to college in another state. I began to be successful. I started working while I was still at school, and I was always recognized by my teachers and at work as a hard worker. I thought, What would my parents say if they could see how successful I am? Would they be pleased? Shortly after graduation I got promoted in the company, and my father told me, “How wonderful that you are so successful! But have you ever considered finding a job in another company, where you would get more benefits than you have now? Look at your sister where she works, she even gets free trips.” The saddest part of all is that I don’t like my work and I can’t make them feel proud of me. I feel stupid and I wonder why God didn’t make me more intelligent.

Cristal remembered: When I was little my mother used to make us compete. When I was 4 I was in the hospital and the doctor recommended that they do some tests to find out my IQ, to determine if there was any injury. It was then that my mother decided to give the same test to all my bothers and sisters. Their results came out wonderful, I was normal. This caused my mother to demand more of me; she would always use my brothers and sisters as examples, constantly pointing them out as intelligent and good students. I couldn’t be like them, they were better. One day, even though I worked hard and studied to get excellent grades, I couldn’t. The grades I brought home were not good enough for her. She got very angry and said “she was ashamed of me, that if I didn’t pay more attention to school and get better grades, she would forget that I was her daughter”. That hurt me very much. I promised myself and her that I would show that I was the best, always the best.

Despite the fact that this promise has helped her to become a prominent executive, the need to prove to others that she is the best has left her with a constant need for approval, to prove to others that she is good, intelligent, efficient, dependable and successful.

Promises made because of the mother’s suffering: When the mother is mistreated or knows of her husband’s adultery, although wishing to separate from him she decides not to so that “the children will still have a father and means of living”. She lets the children know this, so they will realize that their mother is suffering because of them. The children as a result make promises: I’m never going to get married, I’ll always be with you. You won’t lack for anything, I’ll defend you, you won’t suffer anymore, etc.

Life Promises

Death of a brother or sister: When one child dies, the mother or the father may feel that they die with him. The child, seeing the pain that the parents are feeling and trying to heal their pain, promises “to take care of the mother or father ...” “to be like the brother or sister that died ...” This means changing his personality, taking on the characteristics of the dead sibling, if not physically then certainly his or her habits and beliefs. As a result of their loss the parents may say, “Now you are the oldest or youngest ...” etc.

Responsible for the life of his parents, spouse, etc.: As in the last case, when the parents suffer the loss of a loved one, be it their parents, spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, etc., they feel a profound emptiness in their lives. They feel that their children or spouse are their “saviors”; they live only for them, because otherwise life would have no meaning. They tell the child, adolescent, spouse, etc., “You are my reason for living ...” “thanks to you I continue living ...” “if you didn’t exist I would die ...” “if you ever go I would die of pain and loneliness ...” The person, seeing the pain of the other, takes on the commitment and the role of savior to relieve the pain, establishing a link to life.

Example:
Rosa, 14 years old, remembers that she was two months old when she became sick. The doctors said that there was little hope. My father, who had always suffered depression, told me, ”We need you ...” “Don't ever leave me, you’re my only reason ...” “Without you life has no meaning, only you make me happy...” When I was a year old my parents divorced. I have spent very little time with my father. I used to see him every two months because he wouldn’t come to visit me. He made another life with another woman. My mother spoke to him because I was always asking about him. I felt the need to be with him, to know if he was all right, and when I don’t speak with him I feel guilty or like something bad will happen to him.

Babies accept everything their parents say, do and feel as truth. Rosa assumes that thanks to her, her father continued living, turning her reason for living into being with her father to see that he lived. When she didn’t see him, she felt that she had to look for him, to “save him, if they aren’t together he may die”. Although the father did not come for her and really had no interest in being with her, she took this as a punishment, feeling she had done something wrong and therefore he did not want to see her.

Adult Promises

In response to Religion: Some religions like Catholicism view marriage as the union of two people that join their lives, and “promise before God to love each other and respect each other all their lives, until death do them part”. There is no divorce; thus the union established by the couple is lifelong. But what happens if this couple separates or divorces? The union made in church is not broken, and neither is the energy link established through their promise. They continue connected until the death of one of them.

Promises to children: The father or mother promises the child to care for it and love it forever. In some cases this “love”, based on the promise, becomes a sick love, an absorbing, possessive and obsessive love that doesn’t allow the child to grow.

Social customs, traditions, or ... promises?

Over the years some promises become family traditions or social customs. They pass from generation to generation, from family to family until they finally become tradition or social custom. Some examples of these are:

Some societies still have the custom of demanding complete submission from the child or adolescent to demonstrate honor and respect for his or her father and mother. This means that the child does only what the parents order. In some societies this sounds like some madness from the medieval era; but it’s not. Today some families and societies still demand complete submission, converting the individual into almost a slave with no self-will. In the same way it forces women to submit to a man’s will. In both situations, adults or men (in the case of women) may exercise their authority over children, adolescents and women in humiliating and even aggressive ways.
Children may be mistreated and abused by the parents or adults, or women by men. They have no way of defending or protecting themselves since according to their traditions, the parents, adults and men are unconditionally honored.
Some cultures have the tradition of requiring the youngest son or daughter, when an adult, to take care of and be responsible for the parents.
What has this got to do with the promise?
Before becoming a family custom, the initial promise was: “I will always be with you ...” “I will obey you in everything ...” “I won’t cause any problems ...” “I will always take care of you no matter what happens ...” “I’m going to be like you ...” Children learn this from their parents; they teach their children and so on, transferring the promise from parents to children from the great, great, great, great etc. grandfather, until it finally becomes family tradition or social custom.

Example:
Isaias: My mother says that all the men of my father’s family are the same as him. My father’s mother told me that her mother used to say that everybody was afraid of her grandfather when he was angry. He used to say, “I’m like my father! He always gave the orders for everything in the house, and my mother always obeyed. I also like for my wife and children to obey me the moment I order them to do something; otherwise they’re going to be in trouble ...”
All the men on my father’s side are the same. I promised to be like them so they would accept me, because as a boy they made fun of me when they saw me helping the women. But I don’t like it, I feel guilty when I threaten my wife and children. I don’t know what to do, it’s almost a tradition that the men mistreat the women and not let the children be free.