CHAPTER 8

GUILT
Are You good? Well, neither good nor bad, Normal. Bad?

If you consider yourself good then you don’t feel guilty. If you believe you are normal, you doubt, you believe you have done something wrong. This means that you feel a little bad and a little guilty. If you believe you are bad, there is no doubt that you feel completely guilty.
If you feel bad why do you feel guilty? According to both our society as well as within ourselves, the person who has done something wrong is guilty of having done something wrong. That is why he is declared GUILTY.
The thick veil that covers the truth of an individual’s life is found in this small concept with only five letters: GUILT; but if we analyze it further, it is actually an enormous monster that blocks the individual’s development, in both his every day as well as in his spiritual life.

Have you ever felt guilty of everyday things such as . . .
• A few days have passed since you saw your parents or spoke to them on the telephone, or you don’t want to go to their home. However you go to visit them, because you feel bad for not doing so?
• You buy some new clothes, and then you feel bad about having spent the money instead of saving or buying things “more important?"
• Your best friend calls and you don’t want to take the call because you are busy; then you feel guilty?
• Your friend, the person you work with, your boss, parents or someone close to you is angry; and even though you don’t know why, you feel that you are the cause. You ask yourself, “Have I done anything to make them angry?”
• Have you ever felt guilty for another person’s actions ? When someone close to you makes a mistake, do you feel embarrassed or guilty for his or her actions, as though you had done it yourself?
• Do you normally get up early, but the day you sleep longer than usual you feel guilty?

If none of these examples apply to you, try to remember things that made you feel bad or uncomfortable with yourself. The sensation of discomfort and non-conformance or embarrassment, is guilt.
Guilt is a consequence of the first message of rejection and of promises not fulfilled. Remember when the individual feels rejected, the Lying Mind and Enemy Within are activated saying, “They reject me because they don’t love me ....” “If they don’t love me it’s because I’m bad ...” “I did something wrong ...” “I shouldn’t be here ...” “I only cause problems and pain ...” “I’m no good ...” “I’m a bother ...” “That’s why I’m bad ...” “I am bad; I am the reason my mother suffers ...”, etc.
It is at this point that the veil of lies begins to weave. The Lying Mind together with the Enemy Within take control of your life, making you believe that you are very bad-“Because of you, Mom, Dad or both suffer; they are unhappy, and that’s why they reject you.”
What happens when someone feels guilty? The biggest problem with guilt is that the individual who feels guilty looks for P U N I S H M E N T, emotional, physical and/or mental. Remember that punishment is NOT a conscious mechanism; it is prepared by the Enemy Within .
Guilt is not just a result of rejection, but rather the result of promises not fulfilled.

Example:
Alicia: My parents were the perfect couple. They enjoyed their free time at parties, meeting their friends. My mother was slender and very beautiful, my father enjoyed going to the soccer games every weekend. They were a great social success. They were happy until my mother got pregnant. It wasn’t the right time, they didn’t want to give up their social life, they were afraid of the responsibility. They were very young-she was 20 and he was 22.
My mother was afraid of what my father would say. He would have to work harder and wouldn’t be able to meet his friends anymore. My mother was very worried about the physical changes in her body-she would look fat and ugly. She didn’t want her stomach to get big. She had almost no stomach; she hid me so her stomach wouldn’t show, so I didn’t grow because if I did it would hurt her. I didn’t feel any connection with my mother, she didn’t send me any loving thoughts.

Alicia recorded fear, rejection and guilty. Fear because her mother didn’t want to be pregnant. She was afraid of her husband’s reaction, and the baby felt and recorded that fear (fear created by the Enemy Within the mother contaminated Alicia, who began to vibrate in fear, creating her own Enemy Within). The mother didn’t want the pregnancy and rejected it. The baby felt rejection and guilt. If the mother was afraid and didn’t want the pregnancy because it wasn’t the right moment, the Enemy Within told her that she was causing problems, her mother was unhappy, her father would have to work more and leave his friends. Because of her, her mother’s body would be deformed. She had done wrong by coming, and therefore she was GUILTY. Alicia believed everything the Enemy Within was saying, and accepted her guilt.

Other situations that cause guilt:

Jealousy
The daughter’s mother or the son’s father: Both of these people often show the same attitudes and emotions towards their children. The parent’s envy of his or her child becomes an enormous burden for the son or daughter. Feeling terribly guilty for the “unhappiness” that they create for their parents, they sabotage, or block their own development and success with the hope that the parents will stop comparing themselves with them, stop competing and envying them, since nothing that they do will be good enough to satisfy the needs of the jealous mother or father.
The mother or father would have loved to have been as pretty or as handsome as their son or daughter; to have been as intelligent, good in school, sure of himself or herself, having the same opportunities as their child, etc.
In the majority of cases the parents are not conscious of what is happening; the children receive the message of jealousy either through the parent’s actions or in verbal form.

Example:
Teresa: My mother is jealous of me. From the time I was a teenager I have felt like she is competing with me. It’s as if she wished she were me. I remember very well that when I was in high school on three different occasions I invited some friends to the house, just to talk. My mother always broke into the conversation, and after a while it was as if I weren’t there. They stayed talking with her all afternoon. After a while they became her friends, not mine. I used to dress with short jackets and have long hair. She began to dress like me and let her hair grow. If I bought a new car or went on a trip, she wanted to do the same.
Miguel: My father used to tell me, “Son, I didn’t have what you have now. I would have liked for my parents to give me what I have given you. I would have loved to be able to stay in school like you, to have the safety and strength to make the decisions that you make, to have the wife that you have, the luxuries that you have, the work opportunities that you have, etc. Don’t take this wrong, but I envy you. I never could have dealt with the situation with the courage that you have. Good!” This is “good” envy.

There is no such thing as good envy--envy is envy. The energy unconsciously sent out by these parents is read by the individual as his doing something wrong; but it is the envious father or mother that is wrong. By natural law parents should not envy their children. The children receiving this message feel guilty because by nature supposedly the parents provide their children with everything, and if they are the providers, how is it possible that they envy their children? The child believes that if he is envied by his parents, it’s because he is doing something bad. He also feels guilt because on many occasions his parents tell him, “I’m working so you can have what I didn’t.” “Your father works all day to give you all that he never had.” “Your poor father! He sacrifices so much to give you everything!” etc. So the guilt weighs ever stronger on the child or adolescent.
If as children the parents wanted or now want what their children have, it is as if the parents are competing with their children. This is envy and jealousy, and in the majority of cases the children are also criticized; no matte what the child does, “positive or negative, success or failure”, there is always something wrong in the eyes of the jealous parent--envy used against their child.

Example:
Alberto is a very talented musician, a beautiful pianist since he was a child. Although his father was also a good musician, he was unlucky, never having the opportunity to rise. Suspecting that his son had great musical talent, he never pressured him to study nor to perfect his technique. Through these small actions, A. received messages of his father’s jealousy. Needing to please his father, he promised to help him, to take care of him and make him happy.
A. studied music and began to get some important jobs, but his guilt at being more talented and successful caused him to punish himself, to prevent himself from “hurting” his father. He began to sabotage his own work. An extraordinary pianist, he always tried to remain in the shadow of others so he would not stand out. From the time A. entered music school, his father unconsciously reminded him of his jealousy. On two different occasions A. arrived home and found that the piano bought by him with great effort wasn’t there; and when he asked his father what had happened, the father replied that he had sold it because he needed money.

The Enemy Within made A. believe that if he succeeded as a musician, his father would suffer. He would be bad and guilty of the pain that his success would cause his frustrated father.
In the majority of cases of parental jealousy, the jealousy is checked when the child finds himself in painful situations, either emotional, financial or other kinds. The parents generally help their handicapped children, aiding them no matter what is happening. Their paternal or maternal side is full of love, helping and supporting these children. But there are also cases where the children do not receive the aid of their parents, since the father or mother still holds a truncated adolescent or child within. This jealousy and envy is all the stronger since the Enemy Within has taken them over and made it impossible for them to remember their love for their children, to help them in these difficult times.

Sexuality: In some social groups and societies sexuality is still considered a taboo, something that is simply not talked about. This prohibition means that sex is bad or damaging; when the individual performs any act that he knows is condemned, he knows he is guilty of having disobeyed the law. In terms of sexuality, if his sexuality is not “allowed” and he dares to explore it then he (or she) is doing something bad; however, the crime is greater when he dares to enjoy and experience the ecstasy of sexuality.

The fact that he is joined to his spouse according to the law of his society is unimportant since his programming in regards to sexuality was received during his childhood and adolescence, teaching him that this was bad, dirty and forbidden. The individual is trapped by guilt, like a thief who has committed a crime.
Some religions and societies forbid the child, from the time he is a baby, to touch and explore his genitals. He is told, “Don’t touch there, that’s dirty ...” “Take your hand away from there ...” “Aren’t you ashamed that you are touching yourself?” and his religion forbids any kind of activity related to sexuality, such as masturbation. As an adult he cannot have sexual relations except within marriage; otherwise it is considered a sin. Thus if he masturbates or has extramarital relations then he is committing a sin, and consequently is bad or guilty and deserves punishment.

Example:
Joe: My mother has been very devout all her life. She was raised in a convent. When she married my father, she had been out of the convent only a few months and my grandparents married her to him without consulting her.
During a regression exercise Joe remembered being in his mother’s womb, and said ... When she was pregnant she felt unclean; she was embarrassed to expose much less open her legs to a doctor; when I was born she almost died of shame. She was embarrassed for having had sexual relations with my father; the pregnancy was a torment for her, the shame and humiliation of being exposed. I feel sad for her; I feel frustrated and anxious that I can’t help; I don’t want to leave and she doesn’t me to be born because she doesn’t want to open her legs. I told her it would be all right, don’t be afraid; I promised to always be with her to take care of her because I should she could not survive with me. I feel like I am hurting my mother, and that is why I am scared to hurt anybody else.

The baby or small child naturally exploring his genitals learns that his genitals are dirty, something to be ashamed of. And the individual that clings to this doctrine and takes care of his physiological needs by masturbating or having pre-marital relationships believes himself guilty and bad. The programming relative to sexuality is that it is bad-this is recorded in the child or adolescent, and upon reaching the age to marry the blame recorded in his childhood is revisited in an unconscious feeling of prohibition, blame and fear.
The human being is born with sexual energy which is used naturally, positively, to benefit his development in the first years of life. It is for this reason that the baby touches and explore its genitals, helping to recycle the energy created by the biogenerator found in the genitals to provide energy to other biogenerators.
This energy is used as the child grows. It is natural for the child to know that this energy is sacred, that only he can use it during the first years of his life, that he cannot share it with anybody until his physical body has the maturity necessary and he is emotionally ready to make use of it with the person he chooses.
In both cases the victim can mentally block what happened and not remember again; but the feeling of guilt, fear, of being bad and dirty remains.

Sexual abuse: The victim feels guilty because the natural instinct for preservation makes one feel the necessity to protect oneself, but fear for one’s life allows the completion of the act. It is impossible to prevent the act; but the victim feels guilty, despite their physical and/or emotional disadvantage at the time.
Sexual abuse does not necessarily occur in violence; it may also take place in peaceful form, through deceit or using the authority the abuser may have over the victim.
In a violent act the victim resists, the aggressor is stronger and mistreats the victim physically and verbally. The victim cannot defend him- or herself; he or she feels bad and guilty for not having the strength to stop the act.
In peaceful form, the abuser recognizes and uses his or her control over the victim; the victim cannot and does not intend to defend himself because he or she is weaker, and the abuser’s authority is so great that the victim fears him. The victim knows that what is happening is wrong and should not happen, but fear stops him or her from reacting, and he or she feels guilty.
In the majority of cases of non-violent abuse where the abuser is known to his victim, the victim is forced to promise , usually by threats, not to say anything to anybody. Unable to tell what has happened, the victim is guilty of covering up, becomes an accomplice to the abuser. The victim fears for the other members of the family, feeling that they may be at risk, and therefore feels guilty.
In both cases the victim can mentally block what has happened and not remember it, but the sensation of fear, guilty, of being dirty and bad remains.

Example:
Carla: When I was 6 years old, after going to mass every Sunday we would go to visit my godparents. One day in their back yard my godfather called me and hugged me. I stayed by him, and he started to rub my legs until his hand reached my genitals. I got scared but he stopped me and continued touching me. He told me not to say anything to anybody, that if I did my mother would get sick. So he continued doing it. And even though I didn’t want to go to his house, I couldn’t say anything to my mother because if I did I would make her get sick. I have always felt dirty and bad; every time I remember that I want to hurt him; and that in itself makes me feel guilty, because I’m not a violent person.

Marian: My uncle, my father’s brother, used to live with us. When I was 8 years old I used to go into his room and play with him. One day he invited me in to see some magazines. They were pornographic magazines, and when I saw them I said no but he said there was nothing wrong, that I had to learn, and he forbade me telling my parents. He said it was a secret, and that they would not understand because they were very old-fashioned. He said that they would make him leave and he wouldn’t have anywhere to go. I began to cry, I was so sorry for him because nobody loved him. So I kept the secret and listened to what he told me. About two months later he began to masturbate in front of me. I didn’t look, but later he began to abuse me. This lasted about two years, until one day I couldn’t stand it any more and I told him that if he didn’t stop I would tell my parents. I feel guilty for letting him abuse me for so long. One part of me hated what was happening, but the other liked it. It felt nice, and that made me feel that there is something wrong, something bad in me. I feel dirty and guilty for what happened.

Margarette: I never remembered it; it was as if it were a nightmare, but it really did happen. When I was 7 the whole family was together in my grandparents’ house. I went into a room, and my aunt’s husband, who was drunk, raped me. I couldn’t scream or do anything, I was too scared. But when he began to caress me I think I must have liked it. That’s bad, isn’t it? When he had almost finished my father came in. He was very angry, he took me by the arm and shook me and said, “Get out of this room!” I left, and I don’t remember anything more. They never said anything, but now I realize that since then my father changed toward me. Now I feel as if my father blamed me for what happened. I have always felt guilty for my sexual behavior. I don’t know why, but it disgusts me.